Archive for April, 2006

An August for Artistic Sanctuary

So the new thing that I use to occupy my thoughts and while away lazy afternoons is Croatia. Croatia with Carolyn. Croatia with Carolyn and creativity. Our destination, perhaps one of many, is Hvar. Our goal, also perhaps one of many yet to be divulged, is to regain our sense of creative flare and to discover what it is exactly that we must do with our lives to be happy. Not a simple task, I know, but escape is necessary and the meandering thoughts of travel are in dire need. For fear of falling into a rut, I can feel the precipice nearing, I want to disappear. So why not disappear somewhere hot? Croatia, you’re mine.

Sometimes I feel like Croatia and I have a lot of things in common. I think we’re both fairly misunderstood, insomuch as we are not who we used to be yet are not acknowledged as such by many and most, and the ones who don’t knowo us. Croatia and me are quaint, with an undiscovered tremble of enormous possibility. So why not fill a backpack with granola, sell all my belongings for a ticket over the Atlantic Ocean, and shack up with a view of the sea and every ounce of my own possibility? Me and Croatia, we’re alright.

High Park and Blade Runner

I do feel like I’m underwater. I don’t know where I’m going, where I want to go, or in which direction I should go, and everything is muted and blurry. Maybe I just need some vitamins. I’m at school for something that I guess I’m interested in, but I don’t know if I’m passionate about it. I suppose I don’t really know if I’m passionate about anything. Maybe it’s just difficult to be passionate about something when you’re attending school for that something. I guess I just feel like I’m being programmed, or have been programmed. Maybe we’re all replicants. Whoa.

Anyway, I suppose what I’m trying to get at is the fact that I feel trapped. I feel trapped by my decisions on so many different fronts. But living without decisions is impossible. So perhaps I’ve just got to learn to stick with decisions. I mean, really, any decisions is 50% risk. Whatever. I’m not making any sense. This is what I get for blowing bubbles in High Park with Blade Runner on my mind.